I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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