I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
