you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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