hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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