Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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