I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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