I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
