afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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