I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
