you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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