We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
