I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
