You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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