Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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