I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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