I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
