Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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