i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
