Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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