My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
