um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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