This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
