I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
