I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
