# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
