...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
