Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
