Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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