Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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