Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
