The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
