We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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