I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
