Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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