grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
