You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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