in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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