You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
