I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
