conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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