I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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