you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
