I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
