Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
