I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
