Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
