May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
