I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
