Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
