took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
