At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
