He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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