If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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