Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
